by Jennifer Morgan

It has been said that youth is wasted on the young. But ask any teenager and they will wholeheartedly disagree. Full of life and looking at the world with a fresh perspective, teens are just beginning to embark on a journey that offers many wonderful opportunities available to them.

As teens make the transition from adolescence to adulthood, wonderful opportunities are available to the parents of teenagers, as well. Although teens have already begun forming their own opinions about life and relationships, parents still play an influential role in the lives of teens. One of the best things a parent can do for their teen is to help them learn how to form a healthy dating relationship.

Actively involved in youth ministry at Golden Gate Assembly of God in Naples, Fla., youth pastors Scott and Chrisanne George are dedicated to helping teenagers learn the fundamentals of forming healthy dating relationships. Pastor Scott and his wife share their insights on the topic of teenage dating with parents, as well.

When asked how parents will know whether or not their teen is ready to begin dating, Pastor Scott offers some general guidelines. According to Scott, the teen’s ability to handle their current responsibilities well is a great indicator of dating readiness. Are teens conscientious about their school work? Are they obedient to their parents? Do they respect household rules? If not, teens aren’t yet ready to date.

In addition to being responsible, teens should also demonstrate good judgment. Parents can get a good idea of how well their teen will be able to handle a dating relationship by looking at their ability to pick good friends. If their teen shows good judgment in choosing friends, it is generally safe to say that they will show good judgment in choosing other relationships, as well.

Once parents have granted permission for their teen to date, there are things they can do to help their teen establish a healthy dating relationship. Pastor Scott recommends that parents sit down with their teenager and go over some smart dating techniques, prior to the first date. Dating guidelines should create healthy boundaries. Some examples include dating within a group setting, reasonable curfew limits, and a policy for keeping doors open and lights on. Taking the time to set up appropriate guidelines will help to prevent precarious situations and will also help to set parents’ minds at ease.

While establishing healthy boundaries can help steer the teen in the right direction, parents should also be aware of warning signs that the teen may be involved in an unhealthy relationship. Pastor Scott and Chrisanne noted an interesting similarity in the warning signs of teens involved in an unhealthy dating relationship and of teens involved in substance abuse.

Teens involved in a bad relationship tend to exhibit physical and/or emotional changes such as being secretive, extreme moodiness and withdrawal from family and friends. Parents may also note frequent arguments between the teen and their boyfriend/girlfriend. When asked what advice he would give parents whose teens are involved in an unhealthyrelationship, Pastor Scott replied without hesitation: “Get out.” Ultimately, parents are responsible for their children, and sometimes they need to make tough decisions that are in the teen’s best interest.

Parenting is a full-time job with many rewards as well as responsibilities. Raising a teenager to become a well-rounded adult who is capable of maintaining healthy relationships requires parental instruction and direction. With guidance from their parents, they will be prepared to handle complex adult relationships on their own successfully.

For those interested in learning more about helping their teens establish healthy dating relationships, Pastor Scott recommends the book “I Gave Dating a Chance: A Biblical Perspective to Balance the Extremes” (WaterBrook Press, 2000), by Jeramy Clark.